The old expression "Money Doesn't Buy Happiness" Sure. I know that is probably true. However, it sure does buy you financial freedom and choices to give you a better quality of life.

Without going into too much detail, my husband and I have a relative that is a financial train wreck. I know, I know...That sounds harsh. But does it? Or is it the truth? In this case, it is the truth. Trust me, we love this person with all of our heart...we would have to or we would be out of the situation a long time ago. ha ha.

I understand that some people have situations in their life that cause catastrophic financial consequences. I also understand that some people have a cultural belief or mentality that they do not need to think of money. This may all be true, but the bottom line remains the same - At the end of the day, you have to be responsible for yourself. At the end of the day, you are the one who suffers from financial mistakes and poor planning.

However, in some cases...other people also have to suffer from someone else's mistakes and lack of planning. When you have a parent that has put themselves in this situation, you really have no other choice but to step up and help them. After all, parents gave us our life and childhood and unending support. In this case, this person was a wonderful parent. This is a situation where the parent needs financial help and will need help the rest of their life. The situation is what it is.

That being said, how do you help someone that refuses to help themselves? That does not seem to understand the pressure and frustration they cause others by their lack of concern?

1. Keep your finances and their finances SEPARATE. This sounds simple and hopefully it will be. Otherwise, you could be in a world of hurt when it comes down to bill pay time.
2. Never "loan" money unless you expect to not see it again. This was something my husband learned several years ago.
   
3. Never co-sign anything with another party. This is also a no-brainer but has saved us a lot of heartache over the years.
4. Do not let guilt or obligation cloud your judgement. This is something I am learning about through these unchartered territories.
5. Set monthly budgets and explain them to the person in the simpliest form. Most people are visual so it is better to have numbers and/or charts to show results.
6. Explain the method behind the madness. Some people don't understand the bigger picture. Be sure to explain why someone should save x amount a week or month. They may not understand what emergency funds are.
7. Help people be independent. This helps you and them...trust me.
   

Last but not least - PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE! Don't lose your mind trying to change people...it won't work. You can try to educate them and teach them what they need to know, but if they don't want to help themselves, it will never work.

In our case, the person does not really want to help themselves. They prefer to play a victim and expect others to do everything. So we do what we can to help and never stop loving. But we also learned that we leave the frustration at the door so it does not affect our family. We will teach our children what planning and finances are all about so they will never have to live in a situation they are unprepared for.